4 Steps to Communicate a Work/Life Boundary Effectively

This article originally appeared on Microlearning, our bite-sized online solution for leaders and individual contributors.

“You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage — pleasantly, smilingly, unapologetically — to say no to other things.” —Stephen R. Covey

What’s standing between you and another evening answering emails from your couch, skipping a social outing to handle a last-minute request, or excusing yourself from your family vacation to take an important call?

For too many people, the answer is nothing. They let work sprawl into their personal lives because they want to be seen as hardworking and heroic, because their organization (explicitly or implicitly) expects 24/7 availability, or because they simply aren’t comfortable prioritizing themselves.

But if you communicate a boundary well — and stick to it — you can actually build respect, trust, and goodwill with your colleagues — and set a great example for them to follow. They’ll know exactly what to expect of you and may even admire your productivity and devotion to the important things in your life.

To communicate a work/life boundary message effectively, include:

• Why you are setting or have set the boundary
• The specific constraints of your availability
• How the work will or could get done
• If/when the boundary can be flexible

Here’s how to formulate each component and put them all together.

1. Why you are setting or have set the boundary

When people don’t understand the reason why you are changing your behavior, they’ll be left to make assumptions about why you’re not attending to their needs — like their request isn’t important or that you’re being lazy.

Remember: You are perfectly justified in making a commitment to yourself! Use definitive language to make it clear that the boundary is a real priority for you, not just a preference (e.g., “I unplug when I’m on vacation” rather than “I like to unplug when I’m on vacation”). Don’t apologize or put the blame on someone else (e.g., “My spouse will give me a hard time if I don’t…”). And be careful not to overshare with a long explanation or unnecessary personal details, which can sound unprofessional or can muddy your message.

Examples:

• Midday obligation: “My son is about to start first grade, and I will be picking him up from school on weekday afternoons.”
• Evening availability: “In the past, I’ve been able to stay late on Wednesdays, but I can’t tonight. I made a commitment to myself to carve out time for a new hobby, so I’m taking a pottery class.”
• Personal challenge: “I’ve had a medical issue come up that’s making it difficult for me to work on-site every day.”
• Vacation: “To get a real break and spend quality time with my family, I totally unplug when I’m on vacation.”

2. The specific constraints of your availability

Giving clear details helps people understand exactly when you won’t be available. That way, they’re not left making what they see as a reasonable request and wondering why the heck you’re not responding like usual.

You can also save them from having to remember where you are by updating your online status or calendar or leaving a note on your office door.

Examples:

• Midday obligation: “I will be leaving my office by 3 p.m. each day in order to get to my son’s school on time and will update my online status so people know where I am.”
• Evening availability: “Class meets tonight from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. downtown.”
• Personal challenge: “I will be working from home on Tuesdays and Thursdays so that I can attend medical appointments.”
• Vacation: “I will be online until Tuesday at 5 p.m. and then offline until Monday at 8 a.m.”

3. How the work will or could get done

Addressing this shows that you take your work responsibilities seriously and have thought about coverage. And if you are declining a request, offering alternative ways for the person to get what they need shows them that you think their work is important.

Pro tip: If you plan to handle the work yourself once you become available, underpromise and overdeliver. For example, if you can potentially be back online as early as 3:30 p.m., give yourself a buffer and communicate that you’ll be back at 4:00. Then, if you’re early, you get bonus points!

Examples:

• Midday obligation: “I understand that urgent client requests can come up in the afternoon. After I pick up my son and get him settled at home, I plan to be back online by 4 p.m. to respond as needed and finish out the day.”
• Evening availability: “Tell me more about what needs to get done this evening. I might be able to suggest someone you could ask for help. Or, if it can wait, I could work on it in the morning.”
• Personal challenge: “I will be online during my normal work hours and plan to schedule my appointments during my lunch hour whenever possible. When that isn’t possible, I’ll let you know what hours I’ll be available and when I’ll be offline.”

Vacation: “I’ve prepped Darius to handle client and internal requests while I’m out. I’ve asked him to copy me on any performance reports so that we can debrief about them after I get back. If an emergency comes up that Darius feels uncomfortable handling, he will escalate to Heidi for support.”

4. If/when the boundary can be flexible

Emergencies happen. So do business-critical projects that you determine are an exception. Sharing those details can put people’s minds at ease.

And if your boundary isn’t flexible? Say that to create clarity or simply exclude any mention of flexibility from the conversation.

Examples:

• Midday obligation: “Unfortunately, I’m not flexible on this commitment. That means that when we have clients in town, I will need to arrange to meet with them in the morning or over lunch”
• Personal challenge: “Because next week’s conference is so critical for meeting our quarterly goal, I have made arrangements to attend all three days in a row.”
• Vacation: “If Heidi decides that she can’t go forward without my input, I’ve asked her to text me.”

Putting it all together:

Midday obligation: “My son is about to start first grade, and I will be picking him up from school on weekday afternoons. I will be leaving my office by 3 p.m. each day in order to get to my son’s school on time and will update my online status so people know where I am. I understand that urgent client requests can come up in the afternoon. After I pick up my son and get him settled at home, I plan to be back online by 4 p.m. to respond as needed and finish out the day. Unfortunately, I’m not flexible on this commitment. That means that when we have clients in town, I will need to arrange to meet with them in the morning or over lunch.”

Evening availability: “In the past, I’ve been able to stay late on Wednesdays, but I can’t tonight. I made a commitment to myself to carve out time for a new hobby, so I’m taking a pottery class. Class meets tonight from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. downtown. Tell me more about what needs to get done this evening. I might be able to suggest someone you could ask for help. Or, if it can wait, I could work on it in the morning.”

Personal challenge: “I’ve had a medical issue come up that’s making it difficult for me to commute to the office every day. I will be working from home on Tuesdays and Thursdays so that I can attend medical appointments. I will be online during my normal work hours and plan to schedule my appointments during my lunch hour whenever possible. When that isn’t possible, I’ll let you know what hours I’ll be available and when I’ll be offline. Because next week’s conference is so critical for meeting our quarterly goal, I have made arrangements to attend all three days in a row.”

Vacation: “To get a real break and spend quality time with my family, I totally unplug when I’m on vacation. I will be online until Tuesday at 5 p.m. and then offline until Monday at 8 a.m. I’ve prepped Darius to handle client and internal requests while I’m out. I’ve asked him to copy me on any performance reports so that we can debrief about them after I get back. If an emergency comes up that Darius feels uncomfortable handling, he will escalate to Heidi for support. If Heidi decides that she can’t go forward without my input, I’ve asked her to text me.”